Wednesday, October 19, 2011

In love? Or not in love?

It all started with a 'naughty' and somewhat out of place compliment. 




The person was told not to make fun of me, not to make me feel awkward, to tell me directly what it was that she desired from me as I could only see it as ingratiation. Sadly it didn't work. 
The compliment seemed to have no ulterior motive lol. 
So I politely asked the person to explain herself, to elaborate on what exactly she meant by that for I could not accept it applying to me in any manner and at last, exasperated, to explain how exactly she came to having that perception.


The final of my questions, to which she was ready to give an answer was another question! And just see what it was- "Are u in love?" 
Caught offguard yet having an answer ready due to earlier experience, I said yes! That I was very much in love with myself, the way my life is going on....and here I was halted abruptly. There had to be some person I was in love with. I said yes there is....she again interrupted and reminded that she knew me too well and was only asking about the person I love the most next to myself, "I know u love yourself the most" :D. Me being me, I said why only 1, I love many like that, all writers whose writing I come to admire....again my train of words was stopped and I was told to take names of 'real people'. I knew what she wanted me to say by using the word 'real', yet I was having fun and didn't want it to end so soon. So very enthusiastically, I said that I again had many names...Dravid, Nadal, Messi, Villa (and had she showed more patience, I had many more names, and not just of sports persons). 


Bugged up, she left with "ok, don't tell me. Only ask yourself and make sure you yourself know the answer."


Something on similar lines happened a couple of days back when a reader of my blog, on reading this post of mine asked me whether I was in love and having got my signature answers, said that she was sure I knew that I never answered the question she intended to know the answer of...that simply put, she didn't want me to tell her about my love for writers, philosophers, or witty and spiritual people! 
I had however answered her interesting question with a simple answer (going against the grain of my usual dialogue, "interesting questions often don't have simple answers")- that I had not met anybody 'real' to walk in the rain like that." 
And guess what? She commended my imagination as she believed that "such feelings and emotions could only be expressed when one had experienced the true state of love". 
Either she is a simpleton or simply very nice to have rested the case like that.


Now these two people have really got me thinking whether I am actually in love with some 'real person'!




 Of course even if I am, I may not accept it consciously for my 'ideal partner' is too ideal to exist.
And even if somebody that perfect exists, I haven't come across one. 


Here I would like u to know what response this defence of mine elicited from the friend I was talking about- that she had read somewhere, "love is not about finding the perfect one. It is about loving perfectly". Cool but to my idea of how my life should be, impractical. Like any normal tween, I did have puppy love. Like any normal teenager, I did have my fair share of infatuations and relationships. But love, true love....difficult to say if I have ever been in sometime.


In any case, I don't believe in marriage and I am not the kind not to think of 'what next'? So the other person really needs to think along my lines for the relationship to amount to something. 
And that's not the only issue. I have so fixed ideas regarding how I'll live my life that I won't let any ****ing mother-in-law or some sick  male chauvinist relative telling me what I need to do and the way I should do it. 
If the other person is not fiercely individualistic (and joint-family phobic) as well as an introvert, I know we won't be able to go too far together. 


So it might also happen that I unconsciously resist my falling in love, the moment I sense I am attracted to some well read, witty, well mannered, spiritual guy for I am not very sure of the love being successfully translated into a successful relationship and taking the risk sounds too uncharacteristic of me in such a context. 


And let me tell you I am very good at resisting things lol. 


As I keep telling my friends, I am too complicated in matters of love. Turns out, complicated for myself more than for others. 

5 comments:

  1. very nice post.... your post content not fit into my screen resolution 800x600. please change the template. scrolling content is irritating me!


    Watch this Short Video clip!
    Life is beautiful, the way it is...

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  2. :-D LOL...yet again you have done it in true 'sudha' style...the more I read your blogs the more I like your charismatic and dynamic approach to life. There are so many things I want to comment on but I fear I may need a blog of my own..lol...

    Firstly referring to me as a "simpleton" ??? Hmmm...lol..."simply very nice to have rested the case like that" is perhaps a more accurate description for the time being....lol....if we were conversing face to face I can confidently say I would not let you waffle (and yes sweety, you do do a lot of it lol) and sideline the issue...lol...something that you are a master at...lol...

    Every time I read your blog, I am compelled to leave a comment. This time your comment "if somebody that perfect exists" has caught my attention.

    Experience tells me that if you're waiting for perfection you will be waiting for a long time...lol...how do i know? Because I have sailed in that very same boat. The feminist, the idealist, the perfectionist - that's what I am...lol...

    In the words of Sam Keen, "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." :-) For me, there could not be a more accurate description of love...And I guess you only truly appreciate these words when your time comes.... ;-)

    Love is a magical phenomenon which will blow away your ideals, your conditions, your expectations, your emotions and ultimately you yourself. In the end you yourself will be left wondering "wow" what just happened? Lol...you just have to allow yourself to open up to the possibility.....by surrounding yourself with unrealistic ideals it seems you are consciously or maybe even unconsciously locking away yourself from the real prospect of actually falling for someone... :-)...its just a thought :-D of course I maybe completely wrong.....lol....but I seldom am ...;-)

    Love isn't about analysing or over analysing (in your case...lol). It's an expression, a feeling that should be wholehearted embraced....it has a habit of creeping upon you when you least expect it....in that instance shouldn't you allow the heart to be the guiding force? .... After all isnt that where that special 'someone' supposedly resides???

    Once again, a wonderful post.

    Ciao.

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  3. Hey first of all tell me this- do I know u? Do U know me outside of blogger? Hw else then u came to know my nickname? n u do seem to know a thing or two about me...m dying to know who u r!!!
    The Feminist, The Idealist, The Perfectionist, plz reveal yourself...I entreat u..plz ;)

    and girl you have no idea wat impact ur comments come to hav on me...i hav nvr received so long a comment lol. so for the sheer length of it, thanks, bcoz I cn infer that my posts must hav touched u dat much to hav the inclination and the patience to write dis long a comment. can't express my gratitude for making my day with dis super lovely comment of urs. n abt dat 'Sudha' style...i ud love to know wat dat means some day. my way is charismatic and dynamic? kool B-)thanks dear :*

    i totally appreciate ur views on love...but m yet to b blown off my feet by nebody. symapathy hs made me jump into relationships...that hav later given me only the feeling dat i cud hav had somebody better ;)
    n u know wat, i know the 'perfect one' does not exist. even if somebody comes close to resemble the ideal picture, i might not fall in love with the person...maybe i end up with only admiration and reverence. or that perfect somebody may not find me his perfect partner....but I m dis huge entangled mass of emotions...don't analyse my words, m pouring out all rubbish....u hav got me agitated lol. when i completed reading wuthering heights, something told me that my life is going to take the same turn n i went into a mini-depression for a few days. so i can now understand what i want, what my heart wants...but my heart has never been able to fully overpower my brain. sadly. i know m living in an illusion. but a part of me still wants to wait and watch. how long? mmmm....if i only get some hint that the person is on his way, m ready to wait till eternity ;)

    Thanks for yet another wonderful comment. readers like u keep us bloggers going.
    c ya soon on another post :)
    n plz plz plz do reveal urself. if nt publicly then atleast in private lol
    mail me at zephyrflare92@yahoo.in
    or simply send me a msg on fb. plz Jannat....let ur heavenly qualities show...trouble me no mor....dis curiosity is getting the better of me ;D

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  4. Patience is a virtue my dear ...lol...

    Do YOU know me? Lol...hmmm...lol...ask yourself...we share two characteristics...our star sign and psychology...I implore the psychologist in you to begin to analyse my words, mannerisms and style...learn to read not just the words but the underlying meanings as well... and I'm sure you will find the answer to your question...lol...plus I'm having fun :-D ...aren't you? ...lol...(maybe the psychology of language could be an interesting subject matter for your next blog??? ..only kidding...lol)

    I may reveal who I am one day but who I am is not significant. I am a regular blog reader...one that enjoys reading your posts. Nothing more. I came to know the 'sudha' style purely through reading your blogs :-) ....or did I???... :-D lol....

    I just want you to appreciate the quality of a comment and not the quantity. Perhaps I did get carried away a little...lol...next time I shall try and keep my comments short and sweet...but don't hold me to that..lol...will u? ;-)

    Til next time...

    Ciao.

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  5. ahhan!! throwing me a challenge! sunsign and psychology...wow!! got me thinking again....but can't think of ne name sadly :(
    and lemme tell u dat u r very gud at playing with ur words :P
    seems like i ud prefer to show some patience and wait for u to reveal urself than making wrong guesses and making a fool of myself...lol
    keep coming back dear, i treasure your comments :)

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Hey there! Your comment might prove to be just the push needed for me to write more frequently and with a bit more thought and planning. Do take out a minute or two and tell me what you felt about this blog or this post of mine and any suggestions you think might prove to be useful. Your comment is highly awaited...